To any girls calling them canine {Yippie, Yi, Yo}

well.

2008-08-19T17:47:45Z

no one likes my shirt

edit oh fuck: there is no hpappiness comparable to when you think youa re out of reese's peanut butter cups, yet you have one remaining. you lift the package to throw in the rubbish, and a delightful weight is pressed upon your palm and your heart flutterrrrsss

sunnndae

2008-08-17T22:53:54Z

i stained mah deck todaye

let's all dance. let's all dance together. except the people because i hate people. i just want a paw in my hand. these are good lyrics.

dog barking damnit

2008-08-16T18:02:24Z

nigel and king got into a spatttt. king's chin is bleeding and he keeps licking it so it will bleed for awhile.

but it's nothing serious.

except that they're both in FUCKING TIME OUT.

wooooo

2008-08-16T02:44:24Z

if i had one wish...

it would be to fuck world hunger.

and travel back in time to the 70's

and back to the land of the brits

and listen to the geniuses play

i have bene drinking and am in a good mood.
it's a good time to to talk

ahhhhhhhh fuckin' dogs

2008-08-15T21:34:31Z

i forgot to put nigel in his crate today. *growls*

burgerlahr

2008-08-15T03:42:00Z

i fucking hat it when the burgular alarm goes off when i'm sleeping

sunset

2008-08-15T02:00:32Z

i like to walk the dog park at sunset, especially when the moon is full.

toward the end of the walk, is nearly pitch black out. and i have the park all to myself.

it's funny how everyone flees the darkness.

hole

2008-08-13T22:29:35Z

each of the orange cones symbols one of the bodies in the hole. they all were hanging out in my front yard so i let king out and they run awahy.

my water tastes weird. like dust. and death.

marietta maniacs

2008-08-12T22:51:07Z

sour

2008-08-11T07:32:10Z

day started out with shit forcing me to miss out on fun. that left me in a sour mood.

once i broke free of shit, i brought king along to monrow to visit friends. he rots away in the house all barking week. i wanted to give him a long car ride and have him around while hanging out.

which means, of course, within five minutes of arriving he bites one of my friends. a nice deep puncture wound.

king was lucky i was inside when it happened and it was too late for a timely correction. because there would have been muzzle fucking buried in concrete and probably a screaming veterinarian.

i don't fucking like dog bites. dog bites cause insurance companies to black list you. dog bites cause expensive medical bills. dog bites cause a lot of unpleasant things. it embarrassed the fuck out of me. i'm lucky it's a good-natured friend and that it was taken care of quickly.

i've lost significant trust in king, which is going to translate into stricter handling. which sucks for both of us.

i salvaged what was left of the day.

the rest of this week i have fucking oracle training which is going to turn my brain into a dry piece of nothing. it also starts in 6.5 hours. i'm too jacked up right now to sleep. i'm becoming nocturnal.

i fucking hate vampires

2008-08-08T05:10:15Z

YOU GIVE A MAN FIRE
HE IS WARM FOR A DAY

YOU SET A MAN ON FIRE
HE IS WARM FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE

fucking finally

2008-08-06T22:25:30Z

i had a 'shitty' morning. king took a dump in the back seat of my car. i had a blanket, but it still make me an ornery yote.

but then wolfy showed up as a surprise and tackled me. that made me happy.

now i go poops.

werewolves do it doggy style

2008-08-06T15:40:29Z

i made sumthin'

akky, we need to get our thinktank going. inappropriate bumper stickers don't make themselves.

p.s. this is what i do when i have a day off from work

a case of lycanthropy

2008-08-05T23:37:06Z

A 49-year-old woman presented on an urgent basis for psychiatric evaluation because of delusions of being a wolf and "feeling like an animal with claws." She suffered from extreme apprehension and felt that she was no longer in control of her own fate: she said, "A voice was coming out of me." Throughout her 20-year marriage she experienced compulsive urges toward bestiality, lesbianism, and adultery.

The patient chronically ruminated and dreamed about wolves. One week before her admission, she acted on these ruminations for the first time. At a family gathering, she disrobed, assumed the female sexual posture of a wolf, and offered herself to her mother. This episode lasted for approximately 20 minutes. The following night, after coitus with her husband, the patient suffered a 2-hour episode, during which time she growled, scratched, and gnawed at the bed. She stated that the devil came into her body and she became an animal. Simultaneously, she experienced auidtory hallucinations. There was no drug involvement or alcoholic intoxication.

The patient was treated in a structured inpatient program. She was seen daily for individual psychotherapy and was placed on neuroleptic medication. During the first 3 weeks, she suffered relapses when she said such things as "I am a wolf of the night: I am a wolf woman of the day . . . I have claws, teeth, fangs, hair . . . and anguish is my prey at night . . . the gnashing and snarling of teeth . . . powerless is my cause. I am what I am and will always roam the earth long after death . . . I will continue to search for perfection and salvation."

She would peer into a mirror and become frightened because her eyes looked different: "One is frightened and the other is like the wolf--it was dark, deep, and full of evil, and full of revenge of the other eye. This creature of the dark wanted to kill." During these periods, she felt sexually aroused and tormented. She experienced strong homosexual urges, almost irresistible zoophilic drives, and masturbatory compulsions--culminating in the delusions of a wolflike metamorphosis. She would gaze into the mirror and see "the head of a wolf in place of a face on my own body---just a long-nosed wolf with teeth, groaning, snarling, growling . . . with fangs and claws, calling out 'I am the devil.'" Others around her noticed the unintelligible, animal-like noises she made.

By the fourth week she had stabilized considerably, reporting, "I went and looked into a mirror and the wolf eye was gone." There was only one short-lived relapse, which responded to reassurance by experienced personnel. With the termination of that episode, which occurred on the night of a full moon, she wrote what she experienced. "I don't intend to give up my search for [what] I lack . . . in my present marriage . . . my search for such a hairy creature. I will haunt the graveyards . . . for a tall, dark man that I intend to find." She was discharged during the ninth week of hospitalization on neuroleptic medication . . .

Admirable Histories

2008-08-05T21:01:54Z

I. Goulart

To the former Histories, we will joynesome, touching the Licanthropes and mad-men, the which wee will consider of two sorts. For there be Licanthropes in whom the melancholike humor doth so rule, as they imagine themselves to be transformed into Wolves. This disease as Aetius doth witnesse lib. 6. Chap. 11. and Paulus lib. 3. Chap. 16 with other late writers, is a kinde of melancholie, but very black and vehement: for such as are toucht there-with, goe out of their houses in Februarie, counterfet Wolves in a manner in all things, and all night doe nothing but runne into Church-yardes, and about graves, so as you shall presently discover in them a wonderfull alteration of the braine, especially in the imagination and thought, which is miserably corrupted, in such sort, as the memorie hath some force: as I have observed in one of these melancholike Licanthropes, whom we call Wolves: for he that knew mee well, being one day troubled with his disease, and meeting me, I retired my selfe a part, fearing that he should hurt me. Having eyed me a little, hee passed on, being followed by a troupe of people. Hee carried then upon his shoulders the whole thigh and the legge of a dead man. Beeing carefully looked unto, hee was cured of this disease. Meeting mee another time, hee asked mee if I had not beene afeard, when as hee incountred mee in such a place, which makes mee to thinke that his memorie was not hurt nor impayred, in the vehemencie of his disease, although his imagination were much.

buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

2008-08-05T13:10:55Z

delicious flesh

2008-08-02T15:29:48Z

yesterday wolfy came over. he wanted to buy a fucking toilet and install it, but i made him go to the waukesha gun show. on the ride there he laughed twistedly and acted like he was on crack. "what did you fucking eat, wolfy." "a mountain dew, a rockstar, and a handful of sour starburst." "god fucking dammit."

the gun show was okay. interesting military historical items, but not really my cup of tea. in one ear and out the other.

we went to the furry coffee thing, which i hadn't gone to in like 8 months. i ordered a mocha with a double shot of espresso. this was to get back at wolfy for his fucking shithole motherfucking sugar hallucination binge. with naught but a chicken sandwich eight hours prior, and being a seldom coffee drinker, the caffeine took hold of my brain and boiled it. i ceased to be andrew, and was replaced with some entity that floated along in its own fantastical universe.

this morning i took king and the freak straight to the park before it got unbearable out. i fucking hate the park on the weekend. stupid yuppies that can only walk their dogs on the weekend when it's nice out. the stupidity ratio climbs drastically, and it makes me an ornery and growly yote. i much prefer weekdays at sunset. that's when normal dog owners who know what the fuck they are doing take their dogs out.

i let king through the gate and some stupid black lab jumped at his face. king responded with an angry snap, teaching the dumbass puppy manners. "EXCUSE ME YOUR DOG JUST BIT MY PUPPY. I NEED YOUR CONTACT INFORMATION."

this woman made a mistake. i just had awoken 10 minutes ago, i have retarded owners, children, and dogs surrounding me, and the blaring fucking sun is in my face. god damn fucking sun. thoughts of ripping into her neck with my fangs, and tearing out her flesh, slurping down those thick tasty arteries filled with that precious blood filled my mind. i lost my sight and mind, blindly looked over in her direction, and let out the most menacing growl i have heard come out of my maw. i'm pretty sure i furled my lips at her, too. i think she saw past my human flesh and caught a glimpse of what lay underneath, because she turned white and speechless.

a pathway void of people and dogs opened before me and i went on my way. the rest of the walk is a blur of white-out blindness and irritation.

kingerzums

2008-08-02T04:28:45Z

diel tone

2008-08-01T16:06:51Z

do you ever listen for a dialtone on your cell phone? laugh out lout idiot

my rpms go from 1,000 to 5,000 when i lookat my page. i have so many rpms i don't know what do do

i have queston

2008-08-01T01:10:49Z

how much, theoretically, would it cost to bribe dnr to have coyote in luggage

a friend wants to know.

self portrait

2008-07-31T04:02:14Z

doop doopd eee doooo

2008-07-30T17:42:50Z

i have upgraded livejouirnal 2.0

I REARRY RIKE ROU

2008-07-30T02:23:04Z

i i need haircut when i look like animeh

sutpid faggots

nigel

2008-07-26T00:44:00Z

Newest foster dog, Nigel! A Blue Heeler / GSD mix. He's pretty shy right now, but he's already improving. Off to the park.

pack bitch

2008-07-23T04:25:22Z

i went on an awkward trip planned by my mom to the kalahari resort at the dells. she had the biggest mental breakdown i have ever witnessed. i actually had my landlord drive up to take me home.

i was happy to be home and back to my simple life. i hugged my dog and had a long night's rest. my hair still smells like chlorine

bowling tonight for pack dominance. i, once again, am pack bitch. i am not a good bowler. but i am good at screaming and making inappropriate comments about my (supposed/fantastical) sex life.

i think coyotes are cool.